Dharma Lessons

Chapter XVI: Affection (Piyavagga)

-ooOoo-

Verses 209, 210 and 211

XVI (1) The Story of Three Ascetics

While residing at the Jetavana monastery, the Buddha uttered Verses (209), (210) and (211) of this book, with reference to a trio, consisting of a father, a mother and a son.

Once in Savatthi, the only son of a family first became a bhikkhu; the father followed suit and finally, the mother also became a bhikkhuni. They were so attached to one another that they rarely stayed apart. The family stayed in the monastery as if they were in their own house, talking and eating together, thus making themselves a nuisance to others. Other bhikkhus reported their behaviour to the Buddha and he called them to his presence, and said to them, "Once you have joined the Order, you should no longer stay together like a family. Not seeing those who are dear, and seeing those who are not dear to one, are both painful; so you should not hold any being or anything dear to you".

Then the Buddha spoke in verse as follows:

Verse 209: He who does what should not be done and fails to do what should be done, who forsakes the noble aim of life (i. e., Morality, Concentration and Insight) and grasps at sensual pleasure, covets the benefits gained by those who exert themselves (in meditation). Verse 210: Do not associate with those who are dear, and never with those who are not dear to you; not seeing the dear ones is painful, and seeing those who are not dear to you is also painful. Verse 211: Therefore, one should hold nothing dear; separation from the loved ones is painful; there are no fetters for those who do not love or hate.

Verse 212

XVI (2) The Story of a Rich Householder

While residing at the Jetavana monastery, the Buddha uttered Verse (212) of this book, with reference to a rich householder who had lost his son.

Once, a householder was feeling very distressed over the death of his son. He often went to the cemetery and wept there. Early one morning, the Buddha saw the rich householder in his vision. So, taking a bhikkhu along with him, the Buddha went to the house of that man. There, he asked the man why he was feeling so unhappy. Then, the man related to the Buddha about the death of his son and about the pain and sorrow he was suffering. To him the Buddha said, "My disciple, death does not occur only in one place. All beings that are born must die one day; indeed, life ends in death. You must ever be mindful of the fact that life ends in death. Do not imagine that only your beloved son is subject to death. Do not be so distressed or be so shaken. Sorrow and fear arise out of affection."

Then the Buddha spoke in verse as follows:

Verse 212: Affection begets sorrow, affection begets fear. For him who is free from affection there is no sorrow; how can there be fear for him?

At the end of the discourse, the rich householder attained Sotapatti Fruition.

Types of Emotions and Feelings

As humans we experience many types of emotions. They are often classified as positive or negative. Some lists contain up to 1000 different ways of expressing emotions. There is some confusion over whether emotions and feelings are the same thing. We freely talk about how we feel when describing emotional states, and use the words interchangeably. Actually, there are only three types of feelings: pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral.  When you say, "I feel anxious, angry, happy...", You are interpreting the emotion by how it feels to your mind and body.   These emotionally-induced feelings span the range of feeling really good to feeling downright awful. They often cause us to act or react, sometimes in ways we wish we didn't.

Emotions are "energy in motion". As humans, we respond to our thoughts with emotions and feelings, followed by actions. Actions and responses cause emotions to shift, and so the cycle continues. Sometimes it appears as though we are expressing emotions without any preceding thoughts at all. The subconscious mind is the source of emotional states, even though we experience them consciously. For example, when I think about public speaking, my 'energy in motion' feels like butterflies in my stomach. I translate that as 'I feel anxious'.

Different types of emotions and feelings provide a great deal of insight into subconscious programming. With that understanding, we are often able to open doors to emotional, mental, and sometimes even physical healing.

Primary Emotions

Even though there countless shades of emotions that continuously ebb and flow, experts classify them into groups of primary emotions.  According to the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, there are 22 types of emotions on the Emotional Guidance Scale. These emotions range from Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation at the top of the scale down to Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness at the bottom of the scale.

American psychologist Robert Plutchik developed this wheel as model to describe human emotions. He proposed that all people experience a basic set of primary emotions. Our many and varied emotions all stem from these primary emotions. These natural emotions directly relate to behaviors that help us adapt and improve our chances of survival.

For example: 
Seeing a car race towards us (trigger) causes us to perceive a treat (thought) that triggers fear (emotion). Unpleasant feelings, such as taking a quick, sharp breath and a pounding heart follow. We respond by slamming on the brakes (action).

The eight sectors of Plutchik's Wheel shows the eight primary emotions. Each emotion has an opposite emotion. Emotions are related and increase in intensity as you move toward the center of the circle. Annoyance is a mild form of anger. Rage is intense anger. The white areas show the emotion that is related to the two emotions near it. For example, serenity and acceptance is love.  Of course, human emotions are not this simple. We are always experiencing emotion, and can experience several in close succession. We easily move up and down the intensity scale in a matter of seconds. Each emotion can be accompanied by a myriad of feelings.

Intense emotions and feelings take a lot of energy and are often short-lived. Ecstatic love and its rush of "happy hormones" 'fade' to serenity and acceptance. Some people confuse this with falling out of love, but really this is just the calm, more natural, enduring state of this emotion.

Negative Emotion and Healing

Besides being a model that shows the relationship of emotional states to each other, the wheel of emotions can also be used as a visual aid for healing.  For example, if your thoughts about a past trauma typically induced feelings of terror and now you just feel some mild fear, that is progress in a more positive direction.  The Abraham-Hicks guide is used in a similar way. Your goal is to shift to a more pleasant (less stressful) feeling. So if you are expressing emotions like anger or revenge, moving up the scale to discouragement or worry would be a positive shift.  Expressing emotions, even negative emotion, is natural. Channeled appropriately they help us move energy and take action. Only when they become habitual and destructive do they lose their positive power and become an obstacle to our well-being.

Healing for Damaged Emotions

Healing thoughts and damaged emotions has become a hot topic since people have become more aware of the impact negative emotion has on health and manifesting conscious desires.  But in the process, negative emotion has gotten a bad rap.  The truth is that emotions aren’t bad. Frankly, I'm not even sure they can be damaged. Emotions are simply "energy in motion".  How we feel in response to our emotional signals is what we react to. These responses are influenced by cultural conditioning, subconscious programming, and belief systems.

We experience a range of emotions all the time. They give us feedback into how we are experiencing our inner and outer environments.  Unfortunately, because the human brain is wired for survival, it naturally attunes to the negative. Therefore, most of our 60,000 daily thoughts and our emotional responses are going to be more negative than positive.

Another very positive aspect of emotions is that when you tune into how you are feeling, your emotions guide you and provide feedback through how you feel. Does that emotion feel good, bad or just neutral?  It tells you if you like what's happening or not. It can cause you to take necessary action and may keep you uncomfortable until you do what needs doing or you shift the accompanying thoughts and beliefs.  Negative emotion does become a problem when it's habitual and inappropriate. Then, instead of energizing you to take appropriate action, it limits and drains you. It keeps you in a state of chronic stress, which harms your mental and physical health.

Gary Craig, creator of the very popular Emotional Freedom Techniqueteaches that "all negative emotions are caused by a disruption in the body's energy system."  When the energy is unblocked, it can flow smoothly. The mental and physical tension related to that disruption is relieved and you feel better.

How to Heal Damaged Emotions

Before worrying about stopping, squashing, eliminating, ignoring or healing thoughts, negative thinking patterns and emotions, you may find it most beneficial to give them a voice and hear them from your heart. Be kind and patient with yourself.

These two steps alone will begin to shift the energy to a more positive vibration.

Become fully aware of what you are feeling.

Awareness is key to healing thoughts and damaged emotions. How bad does that negative emotion feel? It may be helpful to use a scale from (no feeling)0-10 (feeling really bad). It's important to act as an observer. You goal here is to just notice without resistance or judgment.

Don't worry that acknowledging how you feel will attract negativity to you. Ignoring damaged emotions and faking positivity doesn't make them go away. Looking at your feelings honestly, healing the beliefs, and disarming the triggers does allow you to shift to more positive thoughts for real.

Let yourself feel the negative emotion.

Don't push down, or repress your damaged emotions. If you need to vent or cry, that's okay. Let it out. Give it a voice. Listen to what it's telling you. It'll give you a good eye into your beliefs and thinking patterns, whether true or not. If you like to write, then write or type it all down. Don't censor your words, they're for your eyes only.

Figure out what triggered the negative emotion.

Most of us don't have to dig very deep to dredge up memories of major and minor traumas, sorrows and disappointments. Some always seem to be just a thought away. Others are buried so deeply that we forgot they ever happened. Still they are there triggering painful emotions that we don't understand.

Be a detective. Even if you don't know the core event, you can still make headway by noticing the immediate triggering event or thought. What were you thinking? What did someone say, or what happened that caused you to feel that way?

American psychiatrist, and author of Emotional Resilience, David Viscott says:

Pain in the present is experienced as hurt.
Pain in the past is remembered as anger.
Pain in the future is perceived as anxiety.
Unexpressed anger, redirected against yourself and held within is called guilt.
The depletion of energy that occurs when anger is redirected inward creates depression.

Release the negative or damaged emotions and shift to a better feeling thought.

There are many ways to do this. Acknowledging your thoughts and relaxing into the emotion, or fully expressing it,is sometimes all that's needed to release it. Other times, you will need persistence, help from a professional and/or the aid of emotional releasing techniques.These techniques can help you make short work of even long-standing damaged emotions and the limiting beliefs that are often behind them.

Recomented reading "The Power and the Pain"http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Pain-Transforming-ebook/dp/B004A7X4A2/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&qid=1332430577&sr=1-1