Samyutta Discourses Lesson 9

Samyutta Discourses  Lesson 9

 One Prone to Conceit

At Savatthi. Standing to one side, that devata recited this verse in the presence of the Blessed One:

"There is no taming here for one fond of conceit,

Nor is there sagehood for the unconcentrated:

Though dwelling alone in the forest, heedless,

One cannot cross beyond the realm of Death."

[The Blessed One:]

"Having abandoned conceit, well concentrated,

With lofty mind, everywhere released:

While dwelling alone in the forest, diligent,

One can cross beyond the realm of Death."

4 Major Differences Between
Being Self-Confident And Being Conceited

1). When accepting a compliment

-Self-Confident:
Someone who is self-confident knows how to accept a compliment humbly, understanding that the person supplying the compliment wants nothing more than for you to accept it. Rejecting it is to reject his or her perception. Why would you do that?

-Conceited:

Conceited people are often insecure and overcompensate by taking compliments as a given, when in reality, they crave the praise to feed their (low) self-esteem levels.

- Someone who is self-confident appreciates praise but is not desperate for it.

2). When admitting you're wrong or can't do something

- Self-Confident:

Being able to gracefully admit you're wrong shows you are confident in who you are. A common misconception is that by admitting you're wrong, you allow the other person to “win” when, in reality, doing so only makes you stronger. Being open to change shows you are ready to grow as a person. Nothing about that says “weak.”

- Conceited:
If your outlook on life is “my way or the highway,” it implies you believe everything you do is correct and/or better than everyone else. This arrogance scars others and yourself. Pushing the truth away, not admitting you're wrong and failing to apologize causes hard feelings and eliminates growth, which strains relationships. Admitting our faults requires vulnerability. Being vulnerable and opening yourself up requires strength and self-confidence.

3). When carrying yourself

- Self-Confident:

You are capable of seeing life through another pair of eyes, from another perspective, making you understanding and compassionate. Being able to do this is a sign of true confidence because you see others' concerns and problems and sympathize, instead of constantly focusing on yourself. This gives you perspective when others try to knock you down.

- Conceited:

You walk with your nose stuck up. You find it difficult to pay attention and be considerate of other peoples' feelings or situations in life. You view yourself as higher than others, as opposed to equal. At first, people mistake this for confidence. They soon realize it is merely a fabricated façade, painted with preconceived prejudices and coated with pride. It is put in place merely to protect your weak personality.

4). When addressing your success

- Self-Confident:

Self-confident people admit to working hard to get where they are, but you do not boast about the opportunities that have come your way, nor do you fail to acknowledge the many people and coincidences that have pushed you forward. You know you wouldn’t be where you are today without the help of others. This realization shapes a humble and grateful mindset. You have no desire to boast your successes and would rather spend your time enjoying them with those who surround you.

- Conceited:

In contrast, conceited behaviors make you think you are the sole source of your success. Everything you've done up to this moment is because of your constant motivation and work ethic, and you've built and created your own future.

However hard you have worked, however difficult it's been, however many trials you've been through and gotten out of, I'd like to congratulate you, but I'd also like to update you: It's not all thanks to you. You are the sum total of all moments, people and events that have come before you. Because of these things, you stand where you do now.
- Self-confidence shines; conceit blinds.